Breakthough

The weather was cooler today with a nice breeze and after spending the last two afternoons at our local water park this afternoon my son came in asking for a sweatshirt. What a relief to have an afternoon with nothing planned but productivity.

There were those dishes again, laundry, folding all those mountains and then the putting it away and cleaning a bathroom in between. Usually the putting away is my downfall but this afternoon the kids and I played dress up and put away laundry we were cowboys, superheros and prince and princesses. It was great.

There was also lots of singing and craziness and time for me to choreograph an entire dance to my new favorite song Natalie Grant - I Will Not Be Moved. It was so relaxing and wonderful if housework could be considered that.

Somewhere along the day I realized that I used to have way more days like this and somewhere along the way they became more and more scarce. Suddenly, filled with grief I realized that it was nearly two years ago when we lost our pregnancy that less and less days began to let music and laughter fill these walls.

I can be passive aggressive about dealing with life issues and I think it's hard to let go of the grief. Sometimes it's easier to hold on to things even if they are painful than to relinquish them knowing they will not be forgotten but tucked away with love. And that is what I have done.

With the memories tucked away in my heart I then had to fight the urge not to call my hubby and ask if he wanted to go out for sushi. This is the last night before the 30 days of nothing starts and I felt like one last hurrah. But what good would that do?

It's amazing how I'm telling myself we can't do something for a month and the urge to do it greatly overtakes all else. I also wanted to go buy some storage bins yesterday and Adam was like don't you think we have something you can use is it really necessary. This was a first, he's never EVER been the stingy one...so basically we are fighting the urge to have these wonderful luxuries while someone is making $2 a day in China or other parts of the world or even nothing at all. Hmmmm.