Sunday, October 01, 2006

On Having Faith

I feel like I've had a productive weekend, getting to church always makes it feel like we did "something" especially since we haven't been in a couple of weeks.

Yesterday our son was up early so after a very early breakfast he and I played for a long time just the two of us which was so special. As we were sitting rolling the big green ball back and forth to each other a thought crossed my mind of the sibling we would not be giving him so soon. That when the doctor told me we'd have to wait 3 months before we even start to try for another it just broke my heart and how much longer does that mean I have to be so empty and longing to give my son the gift of siblings. With each giggle and push of the ball, I felt like we waited too long to have children, like we should have started earlier. My husband and I will have been together for 10 years next month and it took us almost six years to get married. Back and forth as we sat sometimes switching to the smaller purple ball or the even smaller orange ball giggling, laughing and letting it fill up the room, the entire house even. Why? What did that time teach us, we were happy and in love why did we wait? After awhile my kiddo tired of the balls and switch gears to playing with some other toys while I watched...then scared of sitting and dwelling I cleaned. Vacuumed our whole house (except our bedroom), cleaned one and a half bathrooms and mopped the floor during his nap time.

During this cleaning fit the song "Bless the broken road" came into my head and I just kept singing it :
I set out on a narrow way many years ago
Hoping I would find true love along the broken road
But I got lost a time or two
Wiped my brow and kept pushing through
I couldn't see how every sign pointed straight to you.....
It brought me back to the comfort I was feeling during the rest of this past week...
...This much I know is true
That God blessed the broken road
That led me straight to you.

This morning in our Sunday school lesson our Pastor spoke of Moses and the 40 years he spent in the wilderness. Even he said something to the effect of why not just get on with it, why does God "waste" those 40 years. Only God knows when our hearts will be ready for His plan for us. It is so hard to let go of the control we want to take of our lives, the desires we have in our hearts so strongly, but God only knows just what those desires will bring and He is the only one truly in control. He is the one with the master plan of all plans. I look at Moses and think wow if he had the patience and faith to wait all those years. I think that I have the patience and faith to trust that God has more children planned for us one way or another. And all I can do for now is happily be me...a loving wife and mother and faithful servant of God.

12 comments:

owlhaven said...

Love that song, Heidi. And the post. Hugs,
Mary

Wendy said...

Great post. Thanks for sharing.

Mom said...

Amen!
You are amazing, Heidi.

janice said...

with you on this in every way.

The Flip Flop Mamma! said...

yes, you are so right. I is hard waiting, but usually so worth it in the end. I often feel the same way. My kids are 9 years apart in age...I've always wished I'd had a sibling for SloMo to play with. But that wouldn't have been Gods plan, it would have been mine, so I'm so glad the Lord found me and saved me and had me wait those 9 years until I was married to a wonderful christian man.

Anonymous said...

Thanks for sharing! God will work everything out even though its hard to see right now.

It took over a year to have our second. It grieved me that all Matt's friends were having brothers/sisters, but him....

Then came Mark!! It wasn't when WE wanted him, but God had His reasons for taking so long. I rest in that!

Hang in there! (((HUGS)))

Anna said...

Each and every day is in His PERFECT plan. I know we've talked about this.... We're praying for you guy!

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Your words here speak deeply- He will always hold you close during the long wait! I often find myself being SO thankful that I don't have to endure things like those in the bible! Whew.

Sophie said...

awesome, Heidi :) it's been really fun to hang out the last couple days. You are your kiddo are great. Love ya!

Nicki said...

Wonderful post, Heidi! Thank you for sharing such meaningful words.

Amy said...

Great post.
Amy

Brianne said...

I understand the ache of waiting. My DH and I have been "together" for 10 years also - married for 7 and are just now expecting our first. Although I was ready early in our marriage for children, I had to wait until my husband decided it was "the right time." Finally God spoke to him and made him realize that if we were going to give him control over our family, we had to let him decide about our children for us as well. That was almost 2 years ago, and still we waited.
It was heartbreaking to watch my girlfriends all start families and feel so left behind - and so jealous. I'm ashamed now of how I felt, not able to truly rejoice in their blessings because of my own selfishness.
Now God has blessed us with a little boy due in Feb. We're so excited, and amazed! God's timing truly is perfect, even when we don't agree. He does know what is best, even when we feel like we know something better.
Thanks for sharing! May God bless and grow your family!