Sunday, April 15, 2007

Difficult Parenting Decisions

I'm not sure if I just over analyze everything or if my expectations are to high or if I'm just overly emotional from hormones. Whatever the case may be I'm having a hard time making decisions and sticking to them and also just accepting things the way they are.

Is it normal that everytime my son fails for me to feel that I've failed him in some way? Don't get me wrong I know that he MUST fail to learn and that is sometimes the only way he will learn things. Mostly with potty training this week we've fallen off the wagon so to speak. I'm pretty convinced that he just wasn't ready because if I didn't take him every hour - or even more often then there'd be an accident. I guess most of the accidents were because I'd forgotten to take him or been just about to take him and he'd tell me he was going. I'd say maybe 20% of the time he would tell me that he'd have to go and then we'd actually make it to the potty. (He did better with #2 than #1 only a couple of those accidents.) In three weeks, I didn't see much improvement in the number of accidents or the number of times when he'd instigate using the potty. I think it was more that I was training myself to take him every so often and then he'd go, but he still would realize it pretty much too late by himself. Maybe that's why I'd always feel like I was the one that failed? I don't know.

He'd have a day with only one mishap and I'd think yippie and then the next day would start off with 3 before noon.

He'd had a lot of changes this last week, he's been teething (2 year molars) for the last 6 weeks but now constantly telling me that it hurts with his finger on the new tooth (it is finally breaking through), he had a slight cold at the beginning of the week, he's moved out of his crib into a toddler bed (he's been a champ and he loves it, but still a change.) and he's had Grandparents in and out of town staying with us, with more to come in a couple of weeks. Am I just making excuses or like I said are my expectations too high?

I also don't want to crush his spirit...HE was interested and began this potty journey and I don't want to make him feel like he did something wrong that's why we're back in diapers. I'm glad that he wasn't feeling well a couple days because I used that as an excuse - with drinking extra fluids to fight off a cold. He seems ok with it now, he'll say Mommy going poo poo in my diaper or pee, etc. He still will go sit on the potty chair but I'm just hoping that I'm not setting him up to think that later when he is ready he can just have lots of accidents - which he cleans up with rags and piles everything in the laundry room - and then we can go back to the easier diapers.

Like I said I'm probably just being overly sensitive and he wasn't ready. My hubby thinks maybe pull ups or something like that might work better but I'm ready to give it another few weeks before we try anything again. Unless of course my little son wants to dive in. Hopefully this makes some sense to someone who can offer me some encouragement :)!

Who knows, maybe I'm just coming down off of an Easter sugar high, or from lack of chocolate chips (I used them for potty rewards along with stickers and singing!) I'm sure that some chocolate will help.....


Linds said...

Don't beat yourself up about it. He is very young still. He has had a lot of changes. I can guarantee he will NOT be getting married wearing nappies! (I was convinced my would NEVER be trained!)Why not leave it for a couple of months until summer is really here, and try again then.Unless he specifically asks to use the potty. And there is a pretty good chance that he will regress a bit when the babe arrives, but that is also normal. You are doing a great job! Don't worry.

Linds said...

You are still dreaming of my swiss chocolate.....I can tell!

Owlhaven said...


Some kids just 'click' and figure out the potty thing in a few days. Many others take weeks of accidents to learn. If you feel like you need a break for awhile, that's OK. I've been there.

But next time you try, I would plan to stick it out for the duration, no looking back, till he figures it out. Sounds like he really is close to ready, and I bet he'll get it next time around. But it is ok and normal if it takes a little while. SOme kids are just like that

Mary, mom to 8 (so far)

Heidi said...

Thanks so much for both of your kind words. My hubby's been telling me those same things for weeks and well, it's nice to know that he was right! I know it, it's just hard not to get emotional right now. :)

Thanks though I do feel much better!

Robin said...

He probably isn't ready. I tried once with my oldest and it just wasn't happening. A couple months later I tried again and it only took 2 days. After that he only had one accident. None at night. With my middle son one day I said "are you ready to be a big boy and pee and poo in the potty?" He said yes, and I'm not kidding when I say that was it. He was completely potty trained. Never had one single accident. So I'm a firm believer in WHEN THEY ARE READY, THEY ARE READY!!!

Naeva - Mom of 2 said...

Chocolate will help.

:D Potty training is not always easy...keep trying though.


Glass Half Full said...

You know what it is....


Seriously, you'll go thru these roller coaster moments again and again. Look at us, one moment everything is clicking right along and then BAM, Matt needs stitches and his face is forever changed. CRAZY!!!

Take it one day at a time. When you feel your little man is ready to tackle the potty again, then go with it. He's only 2 and won't be in diapers forever!!! :)

momteacherfriend said...

Give it time. You are doing a great job as his Mom. When he is ready, go for it. Until then...wait.

Sherri said...

I HATED HATED HATED potty training. I love parenting in every way, but hated potty training. Each child is so different. I had one that all I had to do was take his diaper from him and he was trained. I had another who made it so difficult that there were times I would sit on the bathroom floor and cry. Then, Madison regressed because, as you said, she had too much going on with moving and getting a baby brother. So, yes, it is frustrating. No, you shouldn't take any of it out on yourself. Just keep doing what you are doing and know that it will pass. Everything will work out!!!

Adventures In Babywearing said...

Chocolate is always a good place to start... ; )

You've gotten some great encouragement here already. You're doing a great job- you're paying attention and by doing so, it can cause you to seem a bit more concerned! (And basically this is just normal!) As with everything else, go with your gut and follow your son's cues. This will be over before long!


Stephanie said...

It will happen, I promise. You've already gotten some great advice here , the only thing that I'd add is that the three days naked thing worked really well for us. All the kids have been different as far as accidents ect, but they did get it!

Now go have some chocolate! :)