Fully Rely On God
Said the paper that came home from Sunday school many months ago last fall with a picture of a big green frog. I accepted this with almost no thought like humph of course I rely on God. Well, these last few months God has once again been reminding me to let him be in control.
I have been seeing Him at work in many ways and it's been awesome as well as humbling and honestly strange.
Of course I rely on God but it's the first word there fully, F-U-L-L-Y that challenges me daily, hourly, and constantly. It means, Heidi that you don't doubt God's plan! It means being confident in times of stress and upheaval, there's plenty of people going to bed hungry tonight and you've eaten like a king.
It means standing tall even in sinking sand since only God knows where and when I'm supposed to be going. Or even if I'm supposed to be going. Sometimes the sand's pull seems unrelenting and exhausting but trusting in Him to lift me up means that it is truly possible to have a happy heart even in times of turmoil.
It's no secret that we haven't had a job since January but we are all healthy, happily fed, clothed and sheltered (all well above the world standard). I try to keep this blog positive so I haven't been dwelling on things here - nor have I been posting or visiting too much either. Sometimes life feels a bit surreal and sometimes I think I try to make life feel surreal so I don't have to deal with what ever it brings.
These last few months however have been absolutely captivating. I have been (more) likely to turn to God for answers and even though mostly these turn into more questions I'm learning to be ok with the answer.
My Adam has been leading us well. He is seriously a wonderful inspiration to me. Maybe not really growing up Christian has enabled his couple year old relationship with Jesus to be more "like a child" than mine. He's just at ease, letting God take his time and being patient about it - while knowing and trusting in His provisions. I sometimes feel that I am the biggest doubter when times get even just a little tough. Asking why, of God like a three year old, relentlessly asking why now, why us, instead of being thankful it's not us with a dearly loved one dying of cancer, or sleeping in a hut or not even. YES I am thankful!!!
Anyway, without rambling on too much, I have seen in various aspects of my life (even in my random on line readings) that God has used this time in me to make me slower to anger, quicker to laugh, less doubtful, more giving, less worrisome, and more trusting. We are always praying about our major life changes and decisions but we are learning to pray also about the small seemingly insignificant things as well.
I think the biggest change has been finding God in those small moments - praying that my hubby's back wouldn't hurt while we were painting our house, praying for wisdom during a rough patch in parenting, or that we'd make it through our errands without needing a diaper because the diaper bag didn't get restocked.
Sometimes the larger life decisions, health, family, safety, jobs, houses, money seem to be the stuff we get caught up in prayer with yet the small things are not so. I've been trying to get caught up on the laundry for well, too long to admit so I'm going to say a prayer about that too.
To us a three year old crying over a broken marker seems quite trivial but to that kid on that day who wanted to color the school bus this particular shade, it was everything in his whole world. Sometimes that's how those 'little' moments catch us off our guard, we have the life experienc to know they are not the the BIG stuff - but truly for us in that moment, it is big - and really are we to judge which parts of our lives are big enough to pray about or shouldn't we let God be the judge - ah, that's a whole other post!
As always I just kind of ramble my thoughts down to see what's going on and I actually wrote much of this several weeks ago. We currently have a job offer on the table now and a tentative start date next week so things are looking up - oh what an answer to prayer! And even though it amazes me His timing always seems to work out - ah, to have that child like faith - stepping down a curb reaching up to find the already stretched out fingers strong and steady waiting to help me across the street. His hand is always there.....