A Granny and Grampy photo collage

Quiet

Perhaps we should have chosen to watch Sleeping Beauty instead of Up, oh, I guess I did.)

And this deep thinker who now wonders how many balloons it will take to float his Lego house.

I am hoping we are all on the mend of a head and chest thingy. I have found that when I focus on a project (like sewing) I don't notice how much my throat hurts, it's a natural analgesic I guess LOL. Then when I stop and turn to whatever my distraction might be I swallow and cringe, but really it is 90% better tonight so I'm very thankful for that.

I now must join my sleeping prince and princess....

Felt Beads

When my parents were here last month we did a craft which turned natural wool into felted beads. My Mom is a very crafty knitter and has knit and felted us all slippers.   When she sent us this craft for Christmas I was very excited to try it but glad with my kids ages that I had an extra pair of adult hands the first time.  It turned out very enjoyable for all ages.

We began with just a few cotton ball sized puffs of dyed wool each and after wetting our hands in soapy water we rolled them into snake shapes. Then cutting those into smaller pieces, we rolled them into round bead shapes. I enjoyed my daughter's oblong shapes too!  It was very interesting to feel the fibers stiffen and shrink in together as they felted.

After letting them dry, we simply strung them onto embroidery floss for necklaces but really there are many options. Older kids might enjoy using the floss to make lanyard type necklaces around the beads. Very Fun!

Images in mind

A line from my 5 year olds prayer this evening....

"God bless the people in Haiti.  God bless Turkey and Chile."

...had us all cracking up at bedtime with images of
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But really God could you please bless those still struggling in

Turkey and Chile and everywhere covering this earth of your creation.  Thank you, Amen.

The Best

Blue.berry

I must admit that I am feeling a bit blue lately. In the last week my daughter has sprained her ankle, my husband was laid off from his job and my daughter (who did not inherit her clumsiness from me *ahem*) badly bruised her nose.  Keeping up with a big brother is a hard job.

The last week has also brought fun times with extended family, many hugs, a potty training baby (yes she's still my baby!) and a timely bible study amongst many other blessings.

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

I know that whatever this world may bring, whatever troubles and hardships, whatever battles I have no fear for God has already won the most important one of all. He has provided salvation to all who will believe in his son Jesus who has indeed overcome this world.

I am also so grateful for my husband. That I needn't go through trials alone. He is with me arm in arm and he is my rock the one I can turn to for support and guidance. His blind faith is inspiring and amazing. He has truly not faltered, his faith unwavering and glorifying God. He is my inspiration and I'm so glad he's mine! **big grin**

Hope

Themes

I've been noticing many themes running through my life lately.  One of which I mentioned the other day life's tiny miracles.  Just incase I was about to forget to notice the miracles this song was in the Olympic opening ceremonies and I can't forget, I am clinging to these miraculous blessings each and every day. 



I've loved Sarah McLachain since college and as her music has shifted and changed over the years it has in ways paralleled many changes in my own life.  She is someone I'd love to have a few good conversations with over coffee.
Love the Olympics, the energy, the camaraderie, the inspiration, the cheering for our country, and so much more…including extra snuggles.

During the opening ceremonies (wide awake boy and tired mommy)

Mens figure skating with Granny

Speed skating and ski jumping with Grampy

Daddy is the most comfy seat in the house!

Forgiven

Growing up I was always very confused about lent.  Ok, so we give something up for lent.  Candy? Mouthing off to our parents? Meat on Fridays?  Lying? Yelling?  Alcohol? So what? Then six weeks later we just go back to living the same life we were living before.  It never made any sense to me whatsoever.  I gave up giving up for Lent in all of my adult life.

Today I read How a Lent that Fails Actually Succeeds at Holy Experience and now I understand.  How this preparation time proves that we cannot do it at all, for any length of time on our own. 

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 8-10 NIV

Forgiven by Sanctus Real

Well the past is playing with my head
And failure knocks me down again
I am reminded of the wrong that I have said and done
And that devil just won’t let me forget

In this life I know what I’ve been
But here in Your arms I know what I am
I’m forgiven I’m forgiven
I don’t have to carry the weight of who
I’ve been ’cause I’m forgiven

And my mistakes are running through my mind
And I relive my days in the middle of the night
And I struggle with my pain
And wrestle with my pride
Sometimes I feel alone and I cry

When I don’t fit in and I don’t feel like I belong anywhere
When I don’t measure up to much in this life
Oh, I’m a treasure in the arms of Christ ‘Cause ….

In this life I know what I’ve been
But here in Your arms I know what I am
I’m forgiven I’m forgiven
I don’t have to carry the weight of who
I’ve been ’cause I’m forgiven

Five year old wisdom

Stated through frustrating tears, "I don't want ever be a grown up, I want to be a kid forever because we get to play with toys." 

Bossily to his baby sis, "No. The fireman's name is not Julia ooooorr Julianna.  His name is Jake-Anakin-bododo."

Sweetly to me, "Mommy I love you, your hug makes me forget my bad dream."

I love you my sweet, sweet five year old.

Life is a Highway

Groggily we drove my husband to the airport at 5:20 this morning; it was my second early morning airport run of the week. My parents spent last week visiting and left early Sunday. Not only are we all still going through Granny and Grampy withdrawals, now Daddy is off until Thursday or Friday.

After spending a good chunk of time at the library we headed to Wal-Mart for some retail therapy. Half way through the parking lot with a chilling wind at our faces my son suddenly blurts out, "Save money. Live better. Wal-Mart."

Ah, yeah. Perhaps the TV is on a bit more than normal this week due to the Olympics. However, I can't recall seeing a Wally world commercial myself and putting this thought aside there is the fact that we mostly tape it and fast forward through the commercials, I have no excuses.

After finding the few essentials on my list we pause for a look at the fabric isle because when my husband is gone I cannot stop eating chocolate or biting my nails.  Ok, so you might not think a cute little hawaiian print bathing suit is an essential. How about one with Lego batman guys? No more necessary?  Ah, well as my son said, "After winter is done, we can buy a pool and use them right?"

Anyway, back to the fabric aisle. My five year old meets a boy taller than him and seemingly the same age. Immediately they become superhero enemies complete with pseudo kicks and many details of their powers. Next they are both 'good guys' milling about the metal cabinets.

All the while his mom and I peruse through the fabrics giving the boys a few knowing glances as they stray too far pushing our boundaries. Sharing encouraging nods and words with each other about how boys might as well be aliens because they are, at times, beyond the realms of a Moms understanding.

I find a cute little print and one to coordinate with it and I debate. Not really debate, more of a millisecond pause before I continue my purchase.  I'll find something to do with it and my husband won’t notice the extra yard and a half of fabric surely it will fit in the two bins of fabric I already own right? I've got the sewing machine out and ready to go so I am motivated.

While we meander through the rest of the store I think about my husband who is in my favorite American city, well ok, he is sitting in JFK airport waiting for his connecting flight, but still he's there. In my town, I'm a bit envious until I am awoken by my daughter standing up in the cart almost tipping over the side. Sternly and quietly I tell her to remain seated and sheepishly she smiles at me. I'm suddenly grateful that we are not with my husband awaiting our third flight of the day even if he is headed to Boston, only to be there for the shortest of times before heading back to us, the long way.

On our drive home I contemplate how much freer life will be when he arrives back home with our new to us car. We've been living the single car lifestyle for just shy of a year and a half. I'm not used to having a car around to just pick up and go unless I've dropped him at work. Suddenly it occurs to me, yesterday was the last time I'll have to drive him and pick him up.


A level of spontaneity will return that has been lost for awhile. Not that it was all bad having just the one vehicle. We got to spend a bit of time together in the mornings and evenings talking, singing even sleeping. We were all together.  Now we’ll make up that time together at home and I won’t get to blame a late dinner on traffic anymore.  Maybe I’ll even use that extra 45 minutes to finish all my sewing projects *GRIN* instead of driving.

Earthquakes

A local learning center that we love has an event every second Saturday of the month and the kids and I usually try to go after dropping Adam at work.  They always have a theme and this month's was earthquakes. 

I've talked to my son a bit about what happened just over a month ago and we've prayed for the people in Haiti quite often but some of these hands on learning activities really gave me a much deeper understanding of what happens in the earth. 

First experiment.  Seeing how the damp ground changes when shaken.  Our building began to fall after my son shook the earth.  It was a very clear illustration of how easy it was for buildings to fall due to eathquake liquefaction.

There were many other fun demonstrations but the favorite was one that made a tsunami.

We made a sea shore and placed a people to see where they would stay safe. 

Creating a wave with the plastic lid we watched the erosion.  They stayed safe for only so long until...

...they went for a swim. 

Very effective learning for all of us and a ton of fun.  The most fun is always the hike afterward and today was no exception.  I always wish for my real camera (not my phone) when we are here but never think to bring it, or bring it but never on the hike because it's big and clunky.  So pardon the picture quality...

One hour of excited energy burned off!  Granny and Grampy are arriving soon! One of us will be going to the airport at midnight to get them :) Kids are beside themselves excited, me too. :)

A Brain Glitch

If you ever say to yourself after filing your taxes, "Oh I'm not going to print it out this year because it's always here on the computer if I need it." Do NOT listen to yourself, do it anyway. Print it and put it in the box with all the others, k?

This will save you (and your loving spouse) hours of time on hold with the IRS and waiting for them to fax it to you in the event that your trusty computer decides it has had enough of this life and goes to a better place…

Tiny Miracles

Do you ever look back over your day to find them there? Maybe your week, as mine, seemed unending. Perhaps you, like me, were overwhelmed by some of life's craziness. Yet, remembering these moments of desperation, still I find those miracles snuggled in the inbetween that kept me going.

All the big life stuff can be going haywire but under close examination the seemingly small stuff is a nicely sewn seam connecting moment to moment, day to day and our lives together.

The only catch, I have to remember to look, lest these miraculous moments be whisked away from my memory, leaving only the stress and none of the beauty the day held. The treasures lie in these small daily miracles. I hope you see them too.

Feeling the love

This morning Beth from Her Majesty's Throne showered me with a little bit of bloggy love by giving me this award!  Thanks! :-)

 Now, I'm supposed to:

1) Put the logo within my blog or on my post

2) Pass the award onto 12 fellow bloggers

3) Link the nominees within my post

4) Let the nominees know they have received this award by commenting on their blog

5) Share the love and link to the person whom you received this award from.

***** 

My picks have a few similar themes tonight and you all inspire and enourage me!  Thanks!

Amy @ Never a Dull Moment

Crunchy Christian Mom @ A Homegrown Life

Abra @ When Baby Sleeps

Tesa @ A Homegrown Life

Mary @ Random Thoughts

Amy @ Amy's Random Thoughts

Linds @ Rocking Chair Reflections

Blackeyedsue @ For Better or For Worse

Stephanie @ Adventures in the 100 acre wood

Wendy @ Showered with Grace

Karen @ Lilies of the Field

Tulip Girl @ Tulip Girl

Many Hugs!

To the person who came to my blog from typing "Huge Prego Belly" into google.  I thank you for the chuckle.

Prayer List

Here are just a few precious people who need our prayers.

Little Anna Grace

Heather (Her brain surgury is tomorrow Feb 1st. Prayers for her husband and daughter too.)

Kelli

Colleen

The Wilson Family (little Josiah has been in heaven for a week now.)

Is any one of you in trouble? He should pray. Is anyone happy? Let him sing songs of praise. Is any one of you sick? He should call the elders of the church to pray over him and anoint him with oil in the name of the Lord. And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise him up. If he has sinned, he will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. (James 5:14-16 NIV)

Dance Training at its Best

As I washed her paint crusted hands in warm soapy water this afternoon my daughter succumbed to a nice long yawn followed by a deep breath. I know she's still getting over a cough and could use a nap but I haven't successfully accomplished such a thing in this house yet this year.

Now scrubbing a glittered glob off the counter I hear another nice long yawn from the one who is right underfoot. I was just about to declare quiet time anyway so I see if I can help her to sleep.

My kids always need my help for naps, or else that of a car seat in motion. Up we go. Guiding her brother into his room to his box of spilled tiny legos, their domain already spread over a third of the room. "Find something to do that's quiet, sitting and playing with legos or reading books." The look on both of our faces as he smirks and says, "yes, mommy" reveals that similar words are uttered every day at this time.

Sitting down in my baby's room,  I grab my book and get her settled in to nurse.  As I open up my book I pause to dig through the corners of my brain forcing my memory to remember the last time we successfully sat here.  When was the last time we did this and she gave into sweet repose. I honestly can't find it.  I didn't burn it into my memory, sometime after Thanksgiving, I think. Well before Christmas.

Letting go of the memories of the many attempts since that last unknown nap, I look at her. She lets go looking up, "which sizes" she says and smiles, "pleasssse."  Holding on to the word while dancing her legs as I obligingly switch her long body around. I smile at her encouraging softly and gently for her to close her eyes. She relaxes and almost goes but returns to fight a bit more.

She sheds a few tears before she settles back in as I hum Silent Night. She hums it with me for the first verse the edges of her mouth turned up in a smile, eyes closed. When I begin the second verse I am unaccompanied and I slow down a bit as I hear her breathing slow. By the end of the third verse, she is far off in her mind, sleep has over taken. I slowly and carefully stand up as I have hundreds of times before with both my children.

I chuckle to myself as I turn to her crib. You'd think after nearly five and a half years at this mommy thing I would look into the crib before I had the sleeping baby (or toddler as the case is today) in my arms. Blankets strewn haphazardly along with a doll and stuffed bear. Nowhere without bumps or wrinkles for a sleeping toddler to snuggle in.

Grateful that at least this time the crib side was lowered I walk close to the crib and angle my body slightly. Taking a second to get my balance as I have before, I lift my right leg behind and to the side in a grand rond de jambe motion eventually into the crib. Delicate, controlled, smooth. No sudden or jerking movements keeping nice and fluid so as not to wake sleeping beauty. My socked foot scoots the blankets and toys down making a place for my baby. Once again steadying myself, I circle my leg from the front up and out of the crib while still holding tight my precious one.

Gently covered with a Nana blanket I grab my book and leave her room, looking back for a moment at her peaceful face and lowered eyelids.

I may not be using my "talent" or my degree according to some.  Some might think I gave up on a dream or on myself.  Me.  I know the truth is much more than that.  I use it every day.  A tap rhythm on the dining room floor has a hard time going unnoticed by even the most stubborn child.  As babies they would giggle as I pirouetted.  I sometimes think it is unusual how everything in life just overlaps.  I’m not sure why I find it unusual, it’s my life so past joins present.

Being Mom has been a natural fit for me. Not without trial and learning curves and hard work and striving for unattainable perfection.  Heidi and Mommy overlap at this place and it is safe to say I use my training on a daily basis and for the best purpose ever.  This audience is so sweet, they paint me flowers and always demand an encore!

 

A Ray

January usually finds me aching for the outside air in my lungs and warm sunshine on my face turning my heart from grey to bright. With weather forecasts like much of the rest of the northern states (overcast and windy, chance of rain, chance of snow/rain mix and partly cloudy) it's no wonder.

This year my daughter's personality is blooming from baby and toddler to Miss Totally Independent and she is our very own glimpse of sunshine. A single ray of all that is happiness, tea, princesses, baby dolls, spinning, giggles, skipping and every abiding love.

"Mommy, give me a big squeeze" she'll say "me miss you so much today." Drinking in every last drop of the liquid gold squeezie hugs I push the questioning thought out of my head, 'when did you have time to miss me? When I was in the shower?'

She's won the heart of many a bigger girl at church, even on New Year's Eve some of them played with her until midnight bless their hearts. A few days ago little girl at the park (my son's age) latched onto her and kept trying to get her to go down the tunnel slide. (My little sunshine doesn't particularly like the tunnel slide yet.) This little girl was offering everything she could think of, "I'll push you in the swings/ you can sit on my lap..." but my little girl wasn't swayed by the pressure of this big girl. Not to mention her big brother (who was slightly perturbed that the girl wasn't playing with him) used this as his opportunity to defend his smaller and younger sunbeam as well as join into the playing.

This journey of life for my daughter is still new and I pray that she holds onto this gift. It is easy to let life snuff out the daylight and I hope that God will foster this gift in her and she will hold onto it. This gift of putting people at ease, holding them close and shining love on them. It is something I treasure about her daily and am grateful for her heart that is so much bigger than she.

Encore, encore.  One of her favorite things to say as we are getting ready to go is, "Me never get cold. No, me not need gloves, me never get cold."  Perhaps, it is true.

The honesty of it, straight to my heart

This morning on our way home from the gym my five year old decided to have a really horrible attitude.  It began as soon as he got into the truck and worsened with each fastening seatbelt.  Each click making the doom and gloom inescapable.

One sad choice followed by another sad action followed by lots of sad words. I did what I could; before I even pulled out of the parking lot he had lost his water and toy.  That's when the hurtful words began. "I don't have you guys in my heart anymore."  God please give me wisdom. I never know what to do when he says this; nothing I am doing is working please help.

I have told him before that my love can never be taken away from him, it is a forever.  My love.  I’ve said always, 'I will always love you.  I will always love you.'  Still he is fickle with his words about love.

In the car stopped at a light, unsure of what to do (Please God give me wisdom) I tell him his words are hurtful to both me and his sister.  His sister then generously hands him a batman that she's playing with exclaiming, "Me give Nathan Batman, me nice, me nice, me share."  She is obviously more forgiving than I. Perhaps trying to stay on my good side.

Nathan then replies, "Gabi you are back in my heart."  Love isn't something earned or purchased with gifts.  Some giggles begin and I was about to let the whole thing go as I accelerated the car to the speed limit eager to get home, out of my sweaty clothes and showered.  Thankful for deoderant.

More sad words and his consequence is handing over batman to me.  Please God give me wisdom, I'm not being an effective parent and I can feel it.  You have to give me the wisdom; I can't find it on my own.

Batman snuggled in my purse I hear his voice begin timid growing more intense with each word, "Mommy, you are not in my heart and I do NOT love you AND I want to go live with another family."

Really. I pause (for a long time I pause) eventually to calmly reply, almost comatose, "You hurt my feelings and I'm not going to be able to talk right now."  Can the light turn green so we can make the next few turns and be home already?

Wisdom Lord, where is the wisdom, please, I am begging.  He starts to talk and I actually tune him out. I turn into the driveway and pull into the garage.

Can I leave him buckled in his car seat until he has a change of heart?  As I get out of the driver's door, I open my daughter's door greeting her with a cheerful smile.  Unclicking and hugging her as I turn to my much loved son politely saying, "I will give you five minutes here, and then if your heart is grateful and happy and loving I will unbuckle you."  Guess there is a perk that his car seat is difficult to unbuckle after all.

I shut the door not wanting to hear any response.  Because I love him.  Because God loves him and created him to be a special little boy.  Because he cannot treat the woman who's done everything for him for nearly five and a half years this way, I am a great Mom.

Soap bubbles scrub tiny fingers (though not so tiny as they once were) and then long fingers.  "Dry, dry, dry" we sing.  Peanut butter and raspberry jam is smeared on the last few slices of bread.  Triangles are his favorite.  Sitting my daughter on a stool, I place two triangles in front of her and two in front of the empty stool next to her. We pray. I kiss her head telling her mommy will be right back.

It is time; I have to do this right. I am a fabulous Mom, he is a fabulous boy.  God please let me say the words that will mean something to him please let me speak to his heart.  Feet reluctantly stepping back out to the garage and around to his side of the truck.  Deep breath, fighting back welling tears.

I open his door, look him in the eye, it's no use fighting and a lone tear slowly slides down my cheek. "Hi. Are you ready to be grateful and happy?"

He looks at me and looking away again responds with a defeated, "yes."

Again finding his eyes I say delicately, "You told me you didn't love me" –pause- "and that hurt my feelings and makes me sad."  Tears are racing down now and my eyes close for a second to try to compose myself.  A cold little hand touches my left cheek and then another on my right. My eyes open and we hug repairing the hurt between us.

-unclick-unclick-

"Your words have power and meaning.  Words can hurt.  Words should not be chosen for hurting but for loving. I love you and I love the special place you have in our family.  You are a special boy and God gave you to our family.  We love you very much and thank God for you."

"I love you Mommy."

A sparkle came back to his eyes that I hadn't seen in awhile so I continued, "You are a gift from God and I do my best (so far from perfect) but I don't think I've been telling you lately how special you are to me and what a special place you have in my heart.  In this family, you are the one who keeps us laughing and playing, you are the one who makes us belly laugh and smile and you are the one who loves, giggles, cries, teaches, yells and sings.  You are special to me."

I don't remember much of the rest of the conversation as we headed back into the house.  I used to be a yeller, get angry and use my emotions and words as a sword but now, with God to help me maybe I can breath, talk, remain calm, shed a tear and maybe, just maybe break the cycle of anger.  Because my kids, they deserve to be lifted up.

Words can be like little pins poking just under the surface of our skin. Where our self-confidence meets our insecurities they travel, each letter of every word reaching further in threatening our very heart.

The world hurts us, thicker skin, remember for next time, and don’t let those letters in so deep. Don't feel so much pain, don't let them past this part, make it tougher.  It is easy to become hardened by the world sometimes by those in the world closest to us.  They are the ones we hurt the most because we know just where to send those pointy words, just where to shoot the letters to get in.

I'm hoping that God can make my skin softer for my family. A thick skin toward the world and its harsh opinions can be a good thing, but for my family I am asking to be softer, gentler keeping strong as mother, wife and woman. Softer and open so I can feel the effects of both my words and those of the ones I love. All the way into my heart.