Still

Life is not an emergency.  I read those words a couple weeks ago in Ann Voskamp's book.  Slow down, life is happening and in the hurried, careless motions I'm missing what it is about. 

It was really nice to remember that today, in the midst of a more emergent situation.  My little three year old has stitches, five of them, in her tiny pinkie finger.  Really, I'm just amazed at the calmness that was over every one of us during each minute of the ordeal.  An unfortunate occurrence with a door...in fact this little girl has had her fingers in doors more times than I can remember in her tiny life.

It was crazy busy in the ER, but there was a peace in our room, she even fell asleep for a time.  Princess dress, is now stained red and scars have ripped into our psyches, the bravest princess she is, healing has begun.  They gave her a stuffed bear and told her that she was the best patient they'd ever had.  She named the bear 'honey bear' because it was yellow with a pretty heart on it. 

A bit upset that they had to wrap her whole hand just for a cut on the tip of her tiniest finger (to restrict mobility) she refused to put any shirt on at bed time.  Well, until brother brought his favorite Star Wars t-shirt in, way easier to maneuver onto a bandaged hand.

She's upstairs in Mommy's bed cuddling her new bear that she kissed several times before allowing her eye lids to flutter closed for the night.  Thank you God for my little children and your Grace...

Undeserved and freely given

Two days ago my son says to his sister as we are driving home, "When I get to heaven, I'm gonna run and give Jesus a big long hug."  To which his sister replied emphatically, "yeah, me too!"  He looks to me and asks, "Mommy, isn't that gonna be great?"  "Yup" I almost whisper, as I think about it, "in a very long time, when you are very old and wise it IS gonna be great."

I think about this life that we have been gifted.  We can run to Jesus now too.  He is waiting with his arms of grace and mercy to cloak us in.

He is here now and yet how many times do I turn away.  Thinking I can do it alone like my stubborn strong willed three year old, or mistakenly thinking I have to do it by my own accord.  How many times must I learn this very same thing?  How many times must I run away before I listen to the whisper in the deepest part of my soul, "Run to me!" 

He is calling us to run to Him!  The enormity of His grace is constantly boggling to my mind lately.  The vastness of it all, it covers the most horrid of sins when I turn to Him and yet still my broken heart sins again and again.  The most wonderful thing I am learning this year is that when I stumble and turn to run towards him I see just how astronomical His love for all humanity is.  Then I can find praise in the one who sets me free.  I will always have this broken sinful heart on this earth, but one day in the very distant future I will be made whole and yes my son, it will be truly great!

By Your Side -  Tenth Avenue North

Why are you striving these days?
Why are you trying to earn grace?
Why are you crying?
Let me lift up your face
Just don't turn away

Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child?
Tell me where will you run?
To where will you run?

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you

Look at these hands and my side
They swallowed the grave on that night
When I drank the world's sin
So I could carry you in
And give you life
I want to give you life

And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you


This head knowledge is nothing new most Christians today, I am aware.  What is new to me and showing me the enormity of this grace is trying to extend that grace to those around me.  To show those I love this grace instead of irritability.  When they don't deserve it.  To show them compassion instead of anger.  It is not easy.  To freely give myself to them and love them with no strings attached.  To extend to them that loving act of mercy.

I have been praying for my head knowledge to turn into heart knowledge that pours forth into my life - really applying it.  So here I am like a baby nursing, I work and work and then I fall asleep, let go and let the Holy Spirit wash over and show me how to have mercy and grace.  How much it must break Jesus' heart when I feel like I must try to do, do, do what HE already did.  He did the work already and I bet it only breaks his heart because it causes us undo pain and tumoil.  Instead of just falling asleep and cuddling into the peace of His warmth and goodness.